I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
