My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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