What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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