You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
