I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think I am morally bankrupt
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
