did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
