i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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