I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
