She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
