the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
