If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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