I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
