WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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