bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
