dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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