First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
