my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
