Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
