If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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