he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
