you turned your livingroom into a bong?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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