Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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