Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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