this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
