Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
