so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
