so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
