So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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