Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
