I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
