apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
