to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
