UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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