Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
