he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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