Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
