I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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