you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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