he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
