I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
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