He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.