you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.