Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.