Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
