Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
reminds me of losing my job
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?