on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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