the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
