She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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