you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
