6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
