we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
