For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
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Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
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Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Is Oprah even human
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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