you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
