I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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