I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
