dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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