I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
