Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize