i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
