and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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