Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
