ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
