I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
