sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Do vagina's smell?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
