Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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