i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My vagina just clenched in fear
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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