So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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