I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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