i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
