I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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