K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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